Margo Darretta’s Blog

Finding my birthparents – part I

Finding my birthparents (part I)

Here is a story I would like to share with each and every adopted person out there! It is actually kind of a long story, so I think it will be best to break it down into parts. If you’re interested or intrigued by this story please stop back every few days as the story unfolds. If you would like to be notified that a new posting has been made, the easiest way to do that is just add yourself to my mailing list. I’ll just send you a quick notice that there is a new chapter available and you can visit the site at your convenience.

I encourage everyone to post their own adoption story, comments or other information you would like to share. Hopefully, the end result will be a great resource and support platform to help all adopted people in search of their birthparents. There is strength in numbers. One thing I have learned for certain is that no one, no matter how they might imagine so, really understands what we, as adopted people, feel. So it is my hope, that knowing you are communicating with a group of truly understanding souls, you will feel a sense of camaraderie and support here.

A few short months ago, at the age of 48 I finally found and met my birthparents. I was very eager to share this story and did so with most of my family and friends and even some people I don’t even know. The reaction from all was the same…. Tears of joy and then telling me I should write a book about it. Well, I don’t know the first thing about writing a book, so I thought that posting a blog of the story was the easiest way of sharing it and hopefully help someone else have a similar experience.

When I was five years old, my parents gave me the news that I was going to have a sister. Actually, they gave me that news and that of my own adoption in one sitting. I really can’t remember exactly what they said. I know I was more distressed about having a sibling than I was about being adopted. Let’s face it. At five years old, you have no idea where babies come from (or at least in those days you didn’t) and it really didn’t matter to me. I just knew that another child was going to invade this perfect little life I had. I wasn’t all that happy about it.

My mother’s friends have her a baby shower for my sister. I remember games and fun and lots of gifts that weren’t for me. And I remember my mother being joyous and putting a pillow under her shirt and parading around our house and making all of her guests laugh. She was good at that… making people laugh. In the end, it was a fun day and I knew my mother was very happy, so I would be happy, too.

My best friend at five was Kenny Coombs. I remember being at this house after an afternoon of sleigh riding and eating grilled cheese and tomato soup as our mittens dried on the radiator in his front hall. His mother had a giant, swollen belly and I said to Kenny “Wow, your mom is getting fat.” He laughed and called me silly. “Don’t you know my mom is having a baby?” This was the first indication I had how babies actually came into the world. My God, they actually came out of your belly?? And my thoughts immediately went to my own mother with that pillow under her shirt at my sister’s shower. And I realized I did not come into the family in a traditional way.

Only then did I ask my parents a million questions about where I came from. Those poor people, they tried very hard to answer all of my questions. But I could see that it pained them, especially my mother. When I asked “why didn’t I come out of your belly?” my mother started to cry. I never saw her cry before that day and I knew I really didn’t want to see it again, so I tried not to ask anymore questions. But she did tell me that she wanted me very, very much and just couldn’t have a baby. So she found a woman that was to have a baby that just couldn’t take care of me. And while that woman loved me very much, it was best that I come and live with my parents and I would have a happy life and so would my mom. I was pretty satisfied with that answer. We really didn’t talk about it again for quite some time.

On my sixth birthday, my mother put an extra candle on my birthday cake. She said if was for someone that loved me very much. I really didn’t understand what she meant by that, but I knew it was emotional and something important she was trying to say to me. That was the only year that she did it. I really didn’t get it until years later, but I know she was trying to let me know that my birthmother was out there and loved me and she wasn’t forgotten either.

Over the years it became easier to talk about. My mom became quite open about it. I was having a perfectly normal, happy childhood and it just didn’t come up that much. I do remember one day riding on the school bus when I was in grade five or so. A boy said to me “My mom says that your mom isn’t your real mom. You’re an orphan.” An orphan? What a terrible word. I was absolutely devastated and embarrassed in front of my peers for the first time… at least on that subject! I cried and went to my mother and told her the story. Without missing a beat, she said “you go tell him that his mother got stuck with him, but I got to pick you.” I was very proud to be my mother’s daughter that day. She was amazing and I was truly blessed to have her in my life, even if only for a short time.

Part 2 next time. Please check back.

I stumbled across a really great blog focusing on interior design and home decorating this morning. I have added a link for them in my recommended area and home area. If you are doing some decorating, I urge you to check this site out. They have some great tips.

Here is one tip I have for you in that arena. If you are working with an interior designer, please be sure to think through all of his or her design ideas. We recently re-did our entire kitchen. While it is really very beautiful, there have been some issues with functionality. We allowed our decorator to talk us into a few choices that fit the form and style of the room, for example the height of the cabinets. He wanted them higher to balance some shelving on the opposite side of the room. It really does look great, but now I have to keep a step stool on hand all the time just to get at some of the things I use very often. Function must always win out over form, especially when it come to your kitchen!

My daughter, Kate is a dog-lover extraordinaire. She is the “official” mommy of our black lab, Sadie. Kate often volunteers on Saturday mornings at a local animal shelter. I think its great that she does this, but it usually ends with a chirp from her cell phone and desperate pleas to bring home a sweet, adorable puppy. As much as I would love it, with five kids, a neurotic, energetic black lab, a hubby, house and aging father it just isn’t the right time. Since I’m such a softy, though, I always say “Ask your father.” One of these days, he’s going to crack and I’m going to be in trouble!

Anyway, a few years ago, Kate worked on a fund-raiser with her service club at school to raise money to provide bullet-proof vests for the K-9 unit of our local police department. They made doggie treats to sell within the community and it worked out very well. Here is the recipe they used. Sadie loves them, although the way she wolfs them down I’m not really sure if she actually tastes them! Try ‘em - your dog will love you for it!

Peanut Butter Doggie Treats

2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 tbsp. baking powder
1 cup peanut butter (chunky or smooth)
1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 375′F. In a bowl, combine flour and baking powder. In another bowl, mix peanut butter and milk, then add to dry ingredients and mix well. Place dough on a lightly floured surface and knead. Roll dough to 1/4 inch thickness and use a cookie cutter to cut out shapes. Bake for 20 minutes on a greased baking sheet until lightly brown. Cool on a rack, then store in an airtight container. — This is the original recipe, but keep a close eye on them…. they burn easily.

This is a fun project to do with the kids, as well. Here is another resource for more dog treats. Check it out at Healthy Food For Dogs: Homemade Recipes.

My cousin, Rick, just sent me this link and I LOVED it. We are a family of dog lovers, so when we saw this we fell in love. Check it out at this link http://www.koreus.com/video/chien-danseur.html.

It’s just a simple video and safe. Now wouldn’t you just love to have your dog as well-trained as Rookie here? I know I would! My lab, Sadie, is 5 years old and is a big, black, furry love-ball. She has THE sweetest disposition of any dog I have ever owned, or met for that matter! Behaving is another story altogether. She so totally thinks she is the boss and likes to take me for a walk, not the other way around!

When she was younger, I was at my wits end. She was the most naughty, neurotic dog ever. Obedience school didn’t go so well. She just yanked on her leash until she frothed at the mouth and made all the other dogs nuts. A little maturity, and an on-line course I subscribed to helped a lot, though. She isn’t like Rookie in the video, but she is much better now. We walk together and she actually follows some basic commands. I owe that to the eCourse I bought from Kingdom of Pets. It’s called Sit Stay Fetch and was worth every penny. You can check it out here if you want .

If you like to cook, but don’t like to make up your own recipes, I have a great tip for you. There is a great book that contains all the secret recipes of your favorite restaurants. It’s called Official Secret Restaurant Recipes - Official Copy Cat Cookbook. I confess, as much as I like to make up my own recipes, I really do use this book a lot. The recipes are quick and simple, and they really do come out like you just ordered them from the menu at one of dozens of the most popular restaurants, like Applebees, Cheesecake Factory, Red Lobster, or Ruth Chris’s etc. Check it out…. I bet you’ll like it! My family loves it and let me tell you… with five kids, it is most definitely cheaper to make these recipes at home than taking them all out to eat.

Try this Wonton Soup…. I’ll bet you’ll love it.

2 T vegetable oil

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 inch piece of ginger, peeled and minced

2 green onions (scallion) thinly sliced (use all - just trim away the roots)

about 10 cups of chicken broth

In a soup pot, heat the oil and add the garlic and ginger and saute for just about a minute or two. Don’t let the garlic burn. Add the scallion and the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Then let it simmer for about half an hour. You can add your favorite dumplings at the end, if you like. I prefer this just as a broth, but you can add sliced mushrooms, some chopped bok choy or whatever you like. It’s great. Give it a go.

Tonight I made some wonton soup and some pork spare ribs for dinner, and I gotta tell ya… they were awesome. My kids gobbled the ribs like they were candy. I love to cook; I especially love to make up sauces, dressings and vinaigrettes. I’ll share my recipe for the teriyaki ribs with you, should you like to give them a whirl. My husband thinks I’m crazy for giving this recipe away, but what the heck.

Teriyaki sauce

1 cup soy sauce

¼ cup ketchup

¼ cup brown sugar

3 T hoisin sauce

3 T rice wine vinegar

1 cup orange juice

Crushed red pepper to taste

(we like it a little spicier)

2 cloves of garlic (don’t chop it up;

Just smash it to take off the skin)

Chunk of ginger about 2 inches

(Peel and smash – don’t chop)

Toss all the above in a sauce pot and stir to combine. Let simmer about a half hour, then remove ginger and garlic. I roast my ribs (about 4 lbs of pork ribs) in a 300 degree oven for about two hours, then coat them with the sauce and roast another half hour or so until the meat is pulling away from the bone.

Before popping them in the oven, I sprinkle them generously with salt, pepper, and a spicy seasoning. I use McCormack’s Spicy, but you could also use a Chinese five-spice powder or another peppery blended spice.

Hope you enjoy ‘em! Let me know what you think.

If you like it, try the wonton soup in the next post

Hi and welcome to my blog. I have quite a few things I would like to share with everyone and I am looking forward to getting started. Most of the topics that will be discussed here will be about family life. I am most looking forward to sharing with you the story of how I found and met my birth family (pull out a tissue… you might need one!), lots of cooking and recipe tips, living with a lovable, yet neurotic black lab, raising five children in a blended family, and how I work at home to be able to enjoy it all. Right now I’m off to get dinner going but I’m looking forward to launching this blog.