Finding my birth parents - Part 6
Of course, the internet was the first place to start. I searched the web for anyone having the name Blank Blank. A few came up, but they seemed unlikely candidates. There was a huge possibility that her name was no longer Blank, but had married and changed her name. I did find an old photograph published on the web on a family web site with a last name in common. The photo depicted the family around the turn of the century. One of the women in the photo shared the same name as my birth mother.. And there was a small child, maybe only a year old named Blank Blank that could have been my twin. I thought perhaps she could have been my grandmother or great-grandmother. It was a long shot, but I couldn’t get over how much I looked like that child. So I researched that family extensively. But it sort of dropped off after that. No more information.
My next step was to go up to Poughkeepsie. Since Dr.Blank was a pediatrician, I had it in my head that my mother may have been a patient in his practice. So it would stand to reason that she had grown up in or around Poughkeepsie. So the next day my husband and I went to the public library and we scoured over high school yearbooks looking for a picture or any clue as to what happened to the family. Hours and hours of searching, and we didn’t find any. We drove that poor librarian crazy running up to the archives and bringing us book after book. We actually only found two brothers with the last name and no others. Their address was actually published in the yearbook, so we made note of them just in case there was a connection of any kind.
We looked over a map and made our way over to the address for the brothers. We stared at the house for a while trying to decide what to say and what to do. As we sat there, the next door neighbor came out into his yard, and my husband approached him. He was very nice and told us the family had long since moved from that house and he didn’t know what happened to them. But he gave us the name of a neighbor who had lived there for years and years and knew everyone. Maybe she could help.
Next stop, the neighbor. She wasn’t home, so I left her a note with my phone number and would she be kind enough to call me.
Not willing to give up hope, we decided to visit the hospitals and see if we could get any information there. I knew my records were sealed, but I was willing to take a chance that someone might actually give them to me. Our first stop was St. Francis. We found a very nice woman in records there who explained that all birth records were sent over to the town hall in the 70s when they went computer. She gave us directions and off we went. All I could learn there, was that I was born at Vassar Brothers Hospital, and not St. Francis. They confirmed my records were sealed and there was no way they could open them for me. It’s a federal offense.
One last shot for the day… we went back to the neighbor’s house. This time she was home. She remembered the Blank family well, but she confirmed that there were just the two boys. No sister named Blank. . That was that. I went home feeling quite defeated and not really knowing what to do next.
That night, Paul and I talked it over and we decided that we would hire a private detective to aid in the search. It would cost a fortune, but my husband was perfectly willing to spend the money to help me. So I began the process of looking for the right people to help me with the search. And at the same time, I kept up the computer search myself.
I went on all kinds of sites that help you find people. Some of them you have to pay for and some you don’t. One evening, about a week later, I came across a site called Ancestory.com. It was a pay site, but they had a 9.99 special offer for a one week trial. Ten bucks was nothing compared to what I was going to have to pay a detective agency, so I gave it a shot. I typed in my mother’s name and I got a hit. The family tree was listed in fairly good detail. It showed that Blank Blank had married a man named Blank Blank and they had two daughters.The birth year posted would have made her about 16-17 years old in 1959. Well, the year was about right! Let’s take this a little further.
So I searched the web for the possible married name and I got an article from a college website describing a trip they had made to Biloxi Mississippi in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. A group of volunteers had gone down to help the victims in Biloxi rebuild their homes and their lives in the wake of that horrible destruction. One of the volunteers was Blank Blank, along with her sister Blank Blank. The site showed many pictures of the volunteers all helping these poor people who had lost their homes, and some cases, members of their family. It was very touching. And I thought “I really hope this is my mother. And if you aren’t, well here’s to you Blank Blank of Blank, NY, for selflessly helping those people.”
I thought about how I was going to approach this. I really didn’t know for sure if this was my mother. And what about her family? Did her husband or her children know she had given up a child for adoption? If not, a phone call from me could be devestating. I had no desire whatsoever to ruin anyone’s life or hurt anyone in any way. But what about the sister? I know if I had gone through what my mother had, my sister would definitely have known about it.
It took me about 3 days to work up enough courage, but on Saturday, September 1, 2007 I finally got up enough nerve to call the sister. If I was wrong, she would just simply tell me so. And if I was right, well, I was right! A glass of wine and a deep breath later, I was dialing Blank’s number in Upstate, NY. When she answered I almost hung up, but I thought, its now or never kid! So I gave her my name and told her I was looking for a missing family member and I thought she might be able to help me. She said, “Well, sure. I’ll try.” Another deep breath and I said “I was given up for adoption in 1959 and my mother’s name was Blank Blank. I wondered if you could shed any light on that for me.” And there was a heartbeat of dead silence and I knew I was right!! My aunt recovered quickly, I must say! She responded, “Well, um, no I can’t. But if you want to give me your telephone number, I will make a few phone calls within the family and if I learn anything that could help you, I’ll call you back.” And that was that. It was done. And I was sure I was right. My heart was pounding and I was thanking God. The first thought that came to my mind was “Oh man, the cool lady from Blank, NY who went to help the citizens of Biloxi is my mother!”